Tuesday, May 26, 2015

4/9/15 My Favorite Entry

          It has been a little tense at work today. Everyone is either confused or frustrated. I am on the confused side. I need to buy the extra ticket for my family tomorrow after my shift is over. I am getting nervous. Regardless, it’ll get sorted out, I’m sure. I hope anyway… I seriously cannot stop thinking about when my family gets here. It may be a taxing lead up to that, but let’s hope not. I remember when I was younger and really excited for something I would wish I could sleep a bunch since time moves faster when you’re sleeping. Of course this never actually happened, but I feel similarly now. My things are prepared for the most part. I just need to actually put everything into my suitcase. Did I mention I am listening to Christmas music right now and it is nearly mid-April? It is just so comforting.

          I can’t wait to get started on my artwork for my revised Etsy shop, my YouTube channel, and for cons. The state of Indiana makes me a little nervous, but I think it will be fine.

          I have news, too! I got in to IU. My backup of Indiana University is there if I need it. I am very proud of myself, but anxious too – in a good way (unlike here). BU is still my first choice, but I need to further research everything to figure out where I will be financially. I don’t want to get stuck – if that makes sense.

          Speaking of being “stuck,” I have used that word a lot to describe my Disney experience. Come to think of it, the job doesn’t house the most attractive words, unfortunately. “Stuck, trapped, not-free, not-magical, a job, boring, annoying, sad, and pathetic.” As Tat said, if we said how we really felt about the job on all of the forums and on social media and such, we would get a lot of haters. People don’t always want you to tell them the truth, but they still ask for it and then get angry because it does not fit the fantasy in their minds. They bash you based on their own disappointment and then stick to their own fantasy. It’s “sad” really. If a job feels like a job to you, then it is certainly not a fantasy. It’s just “a job.” If it doesn’t feel like a job, you are probably doing something you love – and if that includes loving getting screamed at by a 30-something-year-old woman over a girl in a duck suit, then more power to ya, I guess. I’m glad I am not the girl who loves that job. After writing that, I feel very proud of myself.

          I was thinking of how this journal has saved me through this “mess.” (Add that to the list of words.) One thing I have been meaning to write about is how I feel like Lady Gaga. It sounds weird to say, but I have come to the realization time and time again that I am different and quirkier than most people. My answers for generic questions are never normal or what people are expecting. It’s a good thing, but it does make me self-conscious sometimes. For example, if someone asked me what TV show I am into right now, they probably aren’t expecting to hear “The Golden Girls.” They are probably expecting me to say “Breaking Bad” or “New Girl” or some BS like that. When some guy asked me if I was doing anything fun for Easter and I responded that I would be having a movie marathon with myself, he, of course, asked which movies I would be watching. I’m pretty sure “Babe” and “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” were probably not the movies he had in mind. Whenever someone sees me wearing my headphones and asks me what I am listening to, how exactly do I explain to them that I am listening to the “Initial D” soundtrack? How do I even explain what that is in the first place?  It’s all pretty funny to be honest. It is my reality though, so I guess all that matters is that I understand it.

          Four minutes left of lunch! It’s about time to pull an Austin Powers in the tunnel. Here I go!

          You know you’re getting too good at your job when the higher positions start replacing captains with you. My responsibilities and trust is growing. It is a large compliment, but kind of freaks me out since I am leaving so soon. I feel relieved. I just keep remembering what my theatre teacher told me: “Don’t get stuck there. I know many talents that have wasted away just trying to move up in that world. Don’t waste what you have.”

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