Monday, May 18, 2015

4/3/15



4/3/15
          I was in such a good mood yesterday and the entire day went so well, but now I just feel sad and conflicted again. I just don’t know what is wrong with me. Why do I suddenly feel like I am making the wrong decision? I was so set on leaving the program on April 30th, and now I can’t decide if I should stay. It’s hard to be in a neutral mindset too. I’m either in vacation mode, work mode, lazy mode, or homesick mode. It doesn’t make things all that clear when the way you feel about the situation changes every five minutes.

          I think yesterday was just a really good day. Today, being average as usual so far, I can’t help but feel that my original decision is best. I think it would help if I put together a realistic agenda for my work week. I don’t want to lose focus just because of a couple fun vacation days.

          How is it that I can go from total confidence in a decision to total confusion so quickly? It makes no sense. I have less than 2 hours left, but it feels like forever because all I can think of is this choice that needs to be made.

          On the bus and this time it is not 1.5 hours late. I am so ready to go home, eat something, and do something fun. My shift tomorrow is going to be murder, but hopefully I will be working with people I like. Who knows, but let’s hope. There are seriously two buses here at once right now. How was this not a thing yesterday? No idea, but I think I’ve got bigger problems today with this whole situation – bigger than a late bus. This is seriously the third time I have written in this book using black ink. How interesting. Clearly I love color. Why is it that 15 minutes on a bus passes in 10 seconds, but 15 minutes in Cspot feels like 5 hours? Mulan made for a way faster day. I feel so groggy today. I need to wake up, but I just feel exhausted. I did not feel this way yesterday at all.
~Bethany

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