Sunday, May 31, 2015

4/17/15


4/17/15
          I can’t believe it’s already over. It seems like it took a million years to get here and no they’re gone, on their way home…without me. Why am I still here? Home may seem boring to them, but it’s the most exciting thing in the world to me. I don’t want to go back to my crappy apt. I don’t want to go anywhere alone. I am just glad my family had fun. That is what I wanted more than anything. Never work for a vacation destination. You’ll never be happy unless you’re on vacation yourself. That or you’ll never be happy unless you are going home for the night. There are so many things I want to talk about with my family, but a few days is not enough time. I know I am only here for two more weeks, but I don’t have to be. If I get desperate, I can always bail early. I guess I need to calm down before I make any hasty decisions like that. Regardless, I may have to bail on Snow White so I can actually get over this cold. How awful this cold has been! Being sick the entire time my family was here was not exactly what I had in mind, but neither was getting food poisoning at the end of my first trip. I seem to have extreme hit-or-miss luck with Disney. I am really good at winning contests and beating the odds when it comes to Disney stuff, but I often beat the odds in a negative way. It’s just too commercial here to live here. I feel as if I might go insane. I think I could pack up and move to LA and be happier – and LA is a crap hole. The weird thing about being here is that leaving makes me think that summer is almost over, when in reality, it’s almost here! Thank God. An elongated summer makes me happy. Maybe I’ll choreograph a new show when I get home. No reason to put all this emotion to rest. You’d think this whole Disney thing would have gotten easier. What a joke… The joke’s on me I guess.

          I think my grandma was with me when the bus left with my family. There was a really pretty bird that I have never seen before who flew into the bush next to me. She just sat there and looked at me. She stayed around until I boarded the bus, because I saw her again. I am glad she was there.

          I see myself looking in the mirror with that faux smile and hideous outfit reflecting back on me with that tired face. I am telling myself to get through this crap and leave – go home. The song “Cocoon” by Jack Johnson seems like me talking to myself. I am almost “home” or whatever. I wish this bus ride was longer.

          I am feeling depressed on so many levels. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s awful. I am watching old episodes of Degrassi, feeling sad that my family left and wishing I was 16 again. I miss the care-free days of being a teenager. I never expected to miss Indiana this much. Seriously. The best depiction of Florida I have seen has been in “Home Alone 2.” “Didn’t look this bad on commercials” is what I really want to say. Maybe because this place is the definition of commercial.

          Anyway, I wish I didn’t feel so sick like this. This is so brutal. I wish Christine was here. She would totally get me right now. I can’t wait to see her again once I am home. I haven’t talked to her in a while.

          I am calling in sick tomorrow. It’s not worth feeling this awful for even longer.  I want to rest up, talk to my mom, Skype with Eric, and just relax at home. No yelling at a crowd or turning people down with the extreme lack of voice that I have right now. I’m pretty sure Epcot will survive.
~Bethany



No comments:

Post a Comment