Sunday, May 31, 2015

4/17/15


4/17/15
          I can’t believe it’s already over. It seems like it took a million years to get here and no they’re gone, on their way home…without me. Why am I still here? Home may seem boring to them, but it’s the most exciting thing in the world to me. I don’t want to go back to my crappy apt. I don’t want to go anywhere alone. I am just glad my family had fun. That is what I wanted more than anything. Never work for a vacation destination. You’ll never be happy unless you’re on vacation yourself. That or you’ll never be happy unless you are going home for the night. There are so many things I want to talk about with my family, but a few days is not enough time. I know I am only here for two more weeks, but I don’t have to be. If I get desperate, I can always bail early. I guess I need to calm down before I make any hasty decisions like that. Regardless, I may have to bail on Snow White so I can actually get over this cold. How awful this cold has been! Being sick the entire time my family was here was not exactly what I had in mind, but neither was getting food poisoning at the end of my first trip. I seem to have extreme hit-or-miss luck with Disney. I am really good at winning contests and beating the odds when it comes to Disney stuff, but I often beat the odds in a negative way. It’s just too commercial here to live here. I feel as if I might go insane. I think I could pack up and move to LA and be happier – and LA is a crap hole. The weird thing about being here is that leaving makes me think that summer is almost over, when in reality, it’s almost here! Thank God. An elongated summer makes me happy. Maybe I’ll choreograph a new show when I get home. No reason to put all this emotion to rest. You’d think this whole Disney thing would have gotten easier. What a joke… The joke’s on me I guess.

          I think my grandma was with me when the bus left with my family. There was a really pretty bird that I have never seen before who flew into the bush next to me. She just sat there and looked at me. She stayed around until I boarded the bus, because I saw her again. I am glad she was there.

          I see myself looking in the mirror with that faux smile and hideous outfit reflecting back on me with that tired face. I am telling myself to get through this crap and leave – go home. The song “Cocoon” by Jack Johnson seems like me talking to myself. I am almost “home” or whatever. I wish this bus ride was longer.

          I am feeling depressed on so many levels. I feel sick to my stomach. It’s awful. I am watching old episodes of Degrassi, feeling sad that my family left and wishing I was 16 again. I miss the care-free days of being a teenager. I never expected to miss Indiana this much. Seriously. The best depiction of Florida I have seen has been in “Home Alone 2.” “Didn’t look this bad on commercials” is what I really want to say. Maybe because this place is the definition of commercial.

          Anyway, I wish I didn’t feel so sick like this. This is so brutal. I wish Christine was here. She would totally get me right now. I can’t wait to see her again once I am home. I haven’t talked to her in a while.

          I am calling in sick tomorrow. It’s not worth feeling this awful for even longer.  I want to rest up, talk to my mom, Skype with Eric, and just relax at home. No yelling at a crowd or turning people down with the extreme lack of voice that I have right now. I’m pretty sure Epcot will survive.
~Bethany



Saturday, May 30, 2015

Let's Play Disney World #MakerAllStar

4/13/15



4/13/15
          My family is on the Magical Express now. As for me, I am on the bus, waiting for it to depart Vista. It is taking a painfully long amount of time. My suitcase is huge – stuffed with things to send home, and now my shoulder is injured from some unknown cause that mysteriously bothered it. My apt. had its April inspection today and we almost failed since people don’t know how to clean up after themselves, particularly the Duka Dukas. Luckily, I was home. If I had not been, we would have failed for sure. This bus is apparently leaving in 10 minutes. I have heard limited communication from my family. I am just so anxious to see them. For once, the bus is following the paper schedule. It’s miraculous, but really dumb considering most of us on here could have benefitted from it being early. I hate running late. I don’t want my family to spend all this time waiting on me, especially when they just got here. Due to the amount of stuff I have with me, I look and feel like I am running away. I kind of am and it’s kind of fun to be honest. If there is any place I would want to run away from, it’s here. I think we are actually leaving… Or not. Seriously? Why can’t this happen when I am on my way to my crap job? That would be much better. At this point I feel myself getting lazier with the job and more focused on myself. I need to write a new show around gaming. This is something I have been giving a lot of thought lately. I see all these people doing things that are really cool on Facebook. I also see a bunch of people auditioning for stuff. I need to be one of them.
~Bethany

Friday, May 29, 2015

4/12/15



4/12/15
          Only one more day and my family will be here! I am so, so, so excited! I just have to get through this last set and then I will be good. I am with Aurora (aka Sleeping Beauty) in France today. Again, I am hoping the day goes by quickly and smoothly. It may rain today, so let’s hope all is well.
          I can’t stop thinking about how amazing last night was.
~Bethany

Thursday, May 28, 2015

4/11/15



4/11/15
          I feel so lonely this morning. Eric and I got into a fight yesterday over me being jealous of what he has that I don’t have. It was my fault and I feel terrible about it. He was trying to help me feel more positively towards work, but I was in a bad mood and took everything the wrong way. Our conversation was a little tense after that. We made up, but I still feel uneasy about the whole thing. He called me after I had gone to bed so I spoke to him again while I was half-asleep. I guess going through the parks alone all night made the feeling worse. I just want to talk to him, but alas – work. I will call him again once I get to Epcot today. At least we have a dinner and a movie date tonight to mend the uneasy feelings.

          I just want to talk to my mom too. Last night I wanted to call her, but it was too loud and busy at the parks and I got home late and was too tired. I guess I just want to talk to someone close to my heart right now. I expressed my frustration to my mom yesterday because I was not going to be able to buy the extra ticket needed for our trip due to lack of funds. I know she felt really bad about the whole thing, but it wasn’t all her fault. It was my fault for not being more up front about everything. I just wanted her to hear me out.

          I talked to Big Bob and I feel a lot better now. She said a lot of things that meant a great deal to me. I am very grateful for her love, support, and understanding.

          I had the BEST night with Eric! We had date night over Skype and it was absolutely wonderful. <3 He bought me dinner and dessert, and we watched “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” together. Things got very intimate at one point as well. God, I love him so much! He really is the best boyfriend in the world. I pray that we will be together always.
~Bethany

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

4/10/15





4/10/15
          The days are getting closer! My family will be here in just 3 days – not 3 weeks. Yay! Just as it is with Eric’s visits, the closer it gets, the slower the clock seems to tick. I prepared all of my things last night. I have my clothes, necessities, stuff to send home, and gifts all in one big suitcase, and I have one big grocery bag full of food and snacks for the week. The only other bag I am taking is my backpack. I am just happy to have everything ready to go. The last thing I have to do is buy the extra ticket today. I am listening to Myrtle Beach music to get motivated. I have some fun plans this weekend too. Tonight I am going to Epcot & Magic Kingdom to have some fun. Tomorrow, after work, Eric and I have a date night planned. He is buying me dinner and we are watching “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” together. I am really looking forward to that. Sunday night is going to be pretty chill. I am doing laundry and preparing all last minute trip materials. (All while watching a movie or “The Golden Girls,” of course). Monday is when I will be so excited I won’t be able to stand it. I will savor every moment at least. I am confident that this trip will be absolutely amazing. <3

I keep looking back in this journal to see where all the pages went. It’s pretty amazing how much writing I have done in the past couple months alone. This really has been the ultimate therapy. It’s pretty unbelievable.
~Bethany